Kendra McQaurrie reacts to Jake’s ‘Survivor’ staredown

The stars were not aligned for astrology fan Kendra McQuarrie on Survivor 45. While her original Belo tribe dominated the early part of the game, distrust and dysfunction plagued the group after the merge as they turned on each other. First, Kendra and island BFF Kellie Nalbandian plotted against one tribemate Bruce Perreault. And when he won immunity, they voted against another one in Jake O’Kane.

Not only was Kellie blindsided instead, but then Kendra followed her out at the very next vote, with Jake giving her a stare-down on the way. What went wrong? Why did Belo self-destruct? And what else happened out there that we did not see on TV? We spoke to Kendra to get the full scoop on everything that went down out on the island. You can watch the entire interview above, or read it below.

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: What did you think was going to happen when you walked into that last Tribal Council?

KENDRA McQAURRIE: Just to clear things up, it definitely was not a blindside, and I had this wrenching gut feeling, and I think you can kind of see it in my confessionals — “Don’t be paranoid. I got to trust that they’re going to take Jake out instead of me.” And I was really hoping it was Jake. Not in a personal way, but obviously I want to stay in the game. But it was pretty heavily weighing on me that it was going to be me and I didn’t listen to my gut to play my Shot in the Dark. I literally had my hand on my bag ready to reach in for it.

As Jeff was reading the votes, did you notice Jake turning right towards you and kind of staring you down? What was up with that?

I did. And it’s so funny because watching it back is crazy because I usually kind of black out during Tribal Councils. I really am just so anxious and I’m glad it doesn’t come off like that on the show. Sitting there, I really don’t remember what happens, but I do remember that moment, and I think it was kind of an “I got you” moment.

You were very focused on getting Dee out, so why did you eventually shift your target to Jake? Could you just not get anyone on board for a Dee vote?

I think the Dee vote could have potentially happened if there wasn’t a loss of votes. I wanted to do Dee, but I am sitting there with Julie and Bruce at the Sanctuary, and Julie is telling me she’s on the bottom of Reba, and I saw that as an end to potentially work with her and Bruce, because moving forward I knew me and Bruce had to work together. I had a couple of confessionals being like, “Alright, this is where we’re at: Me and Bruce got to work together. Now I am going to be 100 percent aligned with him.” And I saw Julie as a potential ally, so I wanted to build trust with Julie and be like, “Okay, whoever you want.” Because I didn’t see Jake as someone I could necessarily move forward with at that moment in the game.

You seemed pretty fed up with Bruce after the merge and really wanted him out. What was it like living with him out there?

Me and Bruce are just fundamentally pretty different people, but I just had a hard time. It seemed as though once he made up his mind about something, that’s kind of what it was going to be, and I guess it was hard. It felt like it was really hard to work with him and bring in different ideas. I feel like it only had to be his idea. So me as a very open-minded, adaptable person, that’s something I really value. And then to be met with kind of a wall was difficult for me as far as gameplay goes.

How did you end up with Bruce and Julie in that challenge where you all had to self-separate into groups of three?

We all lined up and we said, “Okay, Jake, Austin, and Bruce are going to be the three strongest guys.” We had no idea what this was going to entail. It was terrifying. And then we took me, Dee, and Katurah as the strongest girls, and we had Emily, Julie, and Drew [left]. So it just kind of happened naturally the way things put together.

Seeing that Drew kind of had an idea in mind that he wanted to be with another Reba person was interesting to me because I almost on one part didn’t want to be with people that I felt aligned with because it was just really hard to know what was the right choice in that moment. Breaking into threes, what are we going to do?

So when you got to that last part in the endurance contest, and Julie and Bruce just went to the end in the last one, how were you feeling going into it and how did you feel during it? Because it hurt me just watching it.

I am a competitor through and through. I know that might not come off so much in the show. I am a little in my own world in a lot of ways, but I’m extremely competitive. I will fight through anything to win, and I knew I needed to win that immunity challenge. There was nothing else that was the only option for me at that point in time in the game. And so I just went into it fighting. During it, I really don’t even remember. I was just like, “I just have to hold on no matter what.” Everything kind of just leaves your mind and you’re just focused on holding for one second longer. I would literally just go “One second more, two seconds more.” That’s all that was going in my head just to try to keep those up. It was hard, and props to them.

And you probably at that point had a pretty good idea when you dropped, that meant it might be it for you, right?

Yeah, I almost had regrets on not throwing the challenge because Bruce had a target on him. Even though I wanted to work with him, if I had thrown it at the basketball portion, he wouldn’t have got a chance to get immunity. Maybe things would’ve been different as far as votes go. Some strays could have came my way. There could have been an idol play — I’m thinking about all those things, but I have a list of regrets from that day that’s kind of hard to live with now.

Every Survivor player that doesn’t win has a list of regrets, Kendra. You’re not the only one. Was that more after the fact where you’re like, “Oh, I should have thrown that?” Or did you think either before or during, “Hmm, should I throw this?”

I had a small feeling in the back of my head. Julie and I both talked about that. We’re like, this could be a million-dollar chicken. That’s what we called it. I thought that was maybe going to be the title of the episode, because it really did feel like a million-dollar chicken. I was like, “Did we just mess up by not throwing this?” So I definitely had it in the back of my mind, but at the end of the day, I’m going to fight. I’m a competitor, and to think about throwing something — that’s just not in my blood. I’m just going to fight through, and I want to play and I want to go hard. So that’s just who I am.

You actually appeared more upset over Kellie’s blindside than your own vote-out. Was that shock? Anger? Both?

I’m very empathetic person, and so I could feel all of Kellie’s emotions. She turned around and looked directly at me and I saw it in her eyes. She was so upset and so was I. I kind of have this solemn look in my face — that is me being pissed off. I was so angry. So that’s what I look like when I’m seething. If I’m frustrated or a little bit mad, I’m kind of more animated. But when I am pissed off, really, really angry, I am blank in the face. And I actually had to calm down a little bit before doing my exit interview because I was so mad.

I asked you to make a bold prediction before the season began and you said that something crazy was going to go down on April 19th due to a solar eclipse and then lo and behold something crazy does go down on April 19 as Hannah Rose quits the game. Can I call you Nostradamus? You nailed it.

All I know is what I know, Dalton. And so it’s been crazy looking at it afterwards — just as an astrologer and being able to pull her chart and be like, “Whoa, okay.” We had all these different planetary influences going on for her, and it kind of just all lined up, at least from my perception. And so yeah, a quit. That’s not what I thought was going to be the crazy thing, but you just don’t know. Eclipses are very time of a big transformation.

What’s something interesting that happened out there that never made it to TV?

My twist! [When Kendra went over to Lulu after the first immunity challenge and was supposed to vote at their first Tribal Council.] Oh my God, I was so upset. I was like, “They cut my twist out!” Going back to day three I was having these confessionals where I was like, “I’m the first person with the most amount of information in this game.” And fun fact, I’m the only person on season 45 to be on the beach with every single 45 member. So that’s kind of a fun thing.

But I was feeling really good after my visit to Lulu, so that’s definitely one thing that I really wish was shown because I think a lot of my strategy came out more in that moment. And after that with my Belo girls and talking to them about moving forward, “If we make the merge, we got Sean and Sabiyah. We probably have Kaleb too.” Also, knowing that me and Emily connected over there as well. And nobody knew. Reba didn’t know that I was over there. So I really wanted to use that to my advantage to further my social game and strategic game on our time on the island. So bummed about that. And then they also didn’t show me telling Emily and Drew about my suspicions of Austin and Dee in this latest episode. So I’m kind of running my mouth about it around camp at that time.

So it sounds like Emily was a goner if Hannah hadn’t quit, so whom would you have voted for at that Tribal Council is Hannah had decided to stay?

I actually cast a vote in Tree Mail before we went to Tribal Council, and I voted for Brandon. I did not want Emily to leave. I saw her as kind of the instigator for Lulu, and we kind of had a moment where we connected. She was like, “Everyone’s against me.” And I gave her a hug, listened to her, talked to her as a friend, and was very empathetic. And I can tell when people are hurting, and no matter how people are coming off, I’m always going to be there to be available to talk to someone.

And also, in my brain I’m like, “Okay, I have this girl wrapped around my finger. I’m the only one being nice to her over here.” So knowing that she could be a potential number for me moving forward, I voted for Brandon, just hoping that maybe he would get a couple other votes. I was trying to plant it into people’s brain, but then once Hannah was like, “ I could really go for a cheeseburger….”

Also, if you think my facial expressions were good during the rest of the season, at that Tribal Council, I was like, “Where’s my popcorn? This is the best TV I’ve ever seen!” And it was incredible. What an honor to be able to be there for that Lulu Tribal Council.

What did your biological father think when he saw you drinking that beer in his honor on Survivor?

He texts me, “Love you, sweetheart” and did a bunch of beer emojis and a bunch of hearts. He was so stoked, and it was just one of those moments and you really don’t expect it. And that’s why I said it was unexpected. It’s like, I see this beer and immediately you’re out there. You’re around people, but you’re alone essentially, and one thing can really just spark such an emotional response. And not to mention I was, what, 14 days [out there]? Not a lot of food and a beer and I was a little emotional. So yeah, he was really stoked about it.

If you could go back and change anything about your game, what would it be?

I really wanted to play that Shot in the Dark, just to let them know that I knew what was going on. I knew it. I could feel it in my bones. And Drew had said one thing at Tribal Council: “If you’re walking around before Tribal and keep on asking if you’re good with the people you say you’re aligned with, we want to make sure we can trust you.” And that kind of manipulated me a little bit. I really, really have regrets of not playing my Shot in the Dark, even if it didn’t hit. I just wanted to let them know.

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